She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
