This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
