I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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