I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
