she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
