took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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