I want to have your abortion
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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