he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
