My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
