Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
