Jerry, you need to find god
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize