you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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