So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
