yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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