he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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