I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
