I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
