this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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