Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
