Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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