dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
