So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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