I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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