His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she told me i tasted like america
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
