3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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