Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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