At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
