So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
