It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
