I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
NoShamevember. You game?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
