He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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