That's intense
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
