Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize