I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
