if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
