turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just had sex on a roof
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
