Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's shark week go big or go home
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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