i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
