An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
