i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
