Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
