nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
