I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
