whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
