community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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