We won't sleep together?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
