I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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