so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
