She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
