Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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