maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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