Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
