i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
