maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
