When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize