***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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