my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
