Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
