oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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