Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
