I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
