I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
