Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
