You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
