You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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